Tag: Squiggles

New Year’s Resolution – No Long Pigs

Squiggles

With the new year come all the tedious resolutions. This year, I resolve to smoke more weed and eat less…human. Doing well so far, but we’ll see what February brings as that is when I normally get hungrier. Or maybe that’s the bhang? In either case, I guess I should just Packer it in already.

Get Woke (in time to watch the next episode)

Squiggles

The original MTS is shown at 5:30 am on MeTV, so you must be woke to see it. In the reboot, Steve Douglas is played by Willem Dafoe, an aging star deigning to do TV for a huge paycheck. In the reboot, Steve is a serial killer who disappears:

  • His first wife
  • His live in father-in-law, Bub, who is the only mother figure his trio of trixic sons have ever known
  • His oldest son, Mike and first daughter-in-law Sally
  • The parents of his adopted replacement for Mike
  • Second (then first) son Robbie
  • Tramp the dog.  Controversially eaten in a classic “mix-up” episode when family thinks they’re trying a new delicacy cooked by the horrible Korean stereotype character that moves in next door.

So basically the reboot is exactly like the original.

Mandela Effect

Squiggles

I could have sworn that Scott Baio was the Karate Kid. Imagine my surprise to find out it was C. Thomas Howell who played Daniel. Did you know that Miyagi never said “Wax on, Wax off?” Did you know that Gwen Stefani is older now than Pat Morita was when he played Miyagi? Rest In Power Wisdom Tooth!!!

Well aware that it was Ralph Macchio! Stay tuned to this blog for more Karate Kid trivia!

Medusa Hair Nostalgia

Squiggles

Let us think about what was in the zeitgeist nine years ago. Remember when “Medusa Hair” threatened the fabric of our democracy itself? I spent gobs of money on small rodents just to keep my new-fangled do happy. Still, in the softening patina of time, I supposed it was a better style than “The Rachel” or “The Kate Gosselin!”

Rain on Your Wedding Day

Squiggles

Here are some other “ironic” coincidences that Alanis missed out on that would have made for a fabulous song sung in rounds.

  • Hans Asperger died of Alzheimer’s disease.
  • Alois Alzheimer frequently shouted that he had Tourette’s syndrome ya fuckin’ scabby witch.
  • George de las Tourette’s lymph nodes were prudish and came down with Hodgkin’s lymphoma (not the good kind).
  • Thomas Hodgkin was a colleague of Thomas Addison and caught Addison’s disease from him.
  • Thomas Addison had a shaky grasp of reality after coming down with Parkinson’s disease.
  • James Parkinson got a shitty deal after coming down with Crohn’s disease.
  • Burrill Crohn was Jewish.  In a fantastic twist of fate, he did not have Tay-Sachs disease, but instead went full-spectrum with Asperger’s.
  • Rinse and repeat.