Everyday Tuesday is Fat Tuesday when you’re an extinct species. A little known fact about the meteor that canceled dinosaurs is that it struck the earth on Ash Wednesday.
Fat Ass Tuesday
New Year’s Resolution – No Long Pigs
With the new year come all the tedious resolutions. This year, I resolve to smoke more weed and eat less…human. Doing well so far, but we’ll see what February brings as that is when I normally get hungrier. Or maybe that’s the bhang? In either case, I guess I should just Packer it in already.
MCCGA (CC is for Cunty Christmas)
This holiday season if you’re out getting stocking stuffers, make sure to pick up that special something that really could use some stuffing. Mike Lindell’s MyRectum. 50% off with proof you attended the Jan 6 rally.
Anuopening
Chess has never been sexier. Except maybe when Bobby Fischer pulled it out. Bird’s opening that is. Imagine when future tournaments require cavity searches. I’d really like to watch “The Queen’s Gambit” then.
Happy Heil O Ween
With all the relevant previous examples, Prince Harry, Harry Hamlin, Harry Styles, J.K. Rowling. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess Nazi Kitty’s name is Harry.
Stay safe and make sure to check for Zyklon B in your candy this year. There’s rumors that several wingers are hiding it in Kit Kats this year.
Marine Usury
You don’t often see sharks fighting octopi because they are well armed. At least they do have a few extra arms and/or legs to give up.
RIP Deb. Hope you’re watching “Loan Shark Tale” up there.
Don’t Bite the Hand That Pays You
Strangely, George’s owner was not mad about George’s blatant racism. She was upset about George questioning International Monetary Policy. As the IMF and the US Federal Reserve have shown us, they are so good at what they do, they are beyond questioning. [Our Soros sponsored Patreon donation should be clearing soon.]
The Great Seduction Part Deux
Our eternal friend is back. As self reflective as a vampire can be. We all breathlessly await part III wherein Lorcan and Rian fight to the death over who gets to deposit fiat currency at the sperm bank.
Extreme Loquacity
Seems like Chantix™ is coming for all the greats. It took four years to get Ray Liotta. So Stephen King still has time to pump out about 75 additional books before it gets him. Plus, he’ll have more time now that he’s off the cock-pipe.
Tough Times for Tiny Titties
Baby Louie’s Mom is a monster for not breast feeding (even though she’s a man) with the tragic shortage of baby formula going around. Luckily for Louie, palm oil comes from palms and coconut oil comes from coconuts. He’s probably not interested in being slathered in baby oil, or drinking baby formula anyway.